


This is the future

by Mierke



Category: Nashville (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 09:58:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2808320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mierke/pseuds/Mierke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starting from their final conversation in 3.6, Juliette and Avery figure out how to go from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is the future

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wendelah1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendelah1/gifts).



_29 October 2014_

Juliette closed the door, just a little too aware of how her left hand had found its way to her belly for it to bring any comfort. Of course Avery would make this even more difficult than it already was. He wouldn't let her protect herself, wouldn't let her push him away or pull him close, because he was Avery, and Avery had always been the only one to exist in her universe without gravitating towards her. He didn't act nice to get in her good grades, didn't pull any punches and never even saw any eggshells to walk on. 

It was what had made her love him; that he was real, true, a genuine person who wasn't afraid to speak his mind. It shouldn't surprise her that he didn't let her get away with this, but a part of her was surprised. Surprised that he wanted to keep her in his life, and not just the kid. Surprised that he wasn't already planning on taking her child away from her, suing her for parental rights by declaring her an unfit parent. Surely any judge would see that he was right and give him full control, but he never mentioned anything about that. He wanted to be the baby's father, but he would let her be the baby's mother. She held on to this idea with all her might, telling herself that while he might say he didn't trust her, he apparently did trust her with their kid and that had to mean something.

On the other side of the door, Avery stood still for just a small moment. When Juliette had reached out to him, he had been so tempted to let her, to hold her in his arms and whisper in her ear that everything would be okay. More than anything he wanted to show her that love existed, that this could work, that pain was not all the world had to offer. But his own heart was still too broken, his own pain still too raw for him to be able to soothe her. He wouldn't be able to hold her without knowing that she had found solace in Jeff, wouldn't be able to promise her anything without remembering the promise she'd broken. He couldn't let himself cradle and protect her heart in his hands, when she had been so careless, so thoughtlessly cruel, with his. 

 

_30 October 2014_

A hundred texts in, Avery resisted the urge to shatter his cell phone to pieces and called up the self-restraint to just turn the thing off. He didn't need his well-meaning friends, his overbearing parents, and definitely not anyone from the country music world or the press to say anything to him. He had no idea how any of this would work, how he expected himself to keep Juliette out of the equation while still maintaining a relationship with his child (even more difficult seeing as it was still very much a part of her), and he didn't want anyone to tell him he was an idiot for even trying. 

He was well aware of how impossible it was going to be, well aware of how much his love for Juliette was still a part of him, still influencing his decisions and actions. But he needed to try. This combination of them, this product of their love, no matter how much anger existed between them now, was such a miracle that he couldn't give up on it. He wanted to see it blossom and grow, wanted to see this beautiful thing they had made together. If something good could come out of this, then maybe they weren't such a mistake after all.

Juliette let her fingers hover over the numbers of her cell phone, unsure of what she would say to Avery yet overcome with an intense desire to talk to him. But Avery had made it clear that he didn't want to talk to her, didn't want to be a part of her life, just a part of her - their - baby's. He hadn't even shouted. It hadn't been one of those fights in which things are said that you later wish had never come out; it had obviously been a rehearsed speech, and so she had to honour his wishes. 

She threw her phone away, finding no solace in the sound of it breaking on the ground, nor in the scream that she added to it, but unable to stop either of them. She felt so incredibly lonely, and the only relationship which had been able to truly lift that feeling had been broken by her hand, by her mistakes, her pathetic insecurities. She had been so jealous of Scarlett that she had ruined the only safe place in her life. Juliette started sobbing, the sounds echoing in her empty home and driving her further into despair.

 

_6 November 2014_

Juliette woke up, her first conscious thought about the baby, her second about Avery. It made for a nice change, she mused, that something had gotten more important than her love life. She hadn't seen Avery or heard from him since he had told her that he wanted to be a part of the baby's life. She wasn't even sure he had seen her announcement, though she figured someone must have told him about it by now, asking him the same questions that everybody kept asking her. 

The feelings of loneliness weren't fading, but juggling her pregnancy with the movie took up so much of her energy that she didn't have much left to spend on pain and regret. Keeping this baby healthy and alive was her top priority right now, for not necessarily the motherly selfless reasons she imagined should drive her. Of course she felt protective of her child, but she also needed him or her around if she ever wanted to rekindle her relationship with Avery. Drowning in her misery and killing the baby in the process was a sure way to ruin the only chance she had left to prove to him that she meant it, that she loved him and would do anything to put her past mistakes to right. 

Avery hadn't talked to Juliette, figuring that some time apart would better enable them to be parents to their child. They needed to be able to communicate without anger and resentment, and for that he had to truly let go. Telling her he'd forgiven her and actually forgiving her turned out to be completely different things, and part of him realized that the only way to truly let go of his anger was to examine it first. 

He hadn’t done so before, because at first glance it seemed so obvious why he had exploded so badly. Not only had she cheated on him, she had slept with someone she despised, and then hadn't even had the guts to tell him what had happened. Maybe, if immediately afterwards she had told him... But no, it would still have been as bad. Because instead of seeking comfort in him, in looking for him to fill the emptiness she was feeling inside, she turned to Jeff, and alcohol, and self-destruction..

Maybe he was angrier with her for not believing in him, not believing in them, then for sleeping with someone else. He would have been there for her had she talked to him, would have told her everything would be okay, would have comforted her and taken her to bed and filled her with love and hope instead of hate and regret. But she had never given him a chance, had seen him with Scarlett and decided for him that he didn't care about her enough to hold her, and had run away. 

She had had a knight in shining armour right by her side, and she had scorned him, instead turning to the one man she utterly and completely despised, and who hated her right back. She hadn't let him take care of her, and that hurt more than anything. 

 

_29 November 2014_

Avery closed the tab on his computer that told him about the stage of his baby’s development, and tried to focus on his music. Now "Don't put dirt on my grave just yet" had taken off, his career had soared as well, and he was actually working a lot of the time. He had started to make a name for himself, and it felt good. It felt better than going on stage had been, leaving everyone behind and trying to do it on his own, because this time he actually worked with people he liked. He was still writing his own songs every once in a while, and liked singing them in small places, but he figured he wouldn't be making it big as a performing musician soon. But for the first time in his life, that felt okay. His passion was more important than his fame.

Juliette fled the paparazzi, who had followed her home from her last day on set. Closing the door behind her she let out a relieved sigh it was over; she might have started to feel more energetic lately, but she was still feeling on edge. She couldn't really blame the pregnancy anymore, though, and now she finally had the time, she sat down to think. 

If Avery wanted to do this, and they had to find a way to co-parent, they had to find a way to exist in the same space without erupting into a fight. She desperately wanted to make this work, and she knew that some self-examination was in order to make sure it could. She didn't like thinking about what she did; she hated looking back at past mistakes, preferring instead to march on and muddle through any problems that would arise. But in this case, that wouldn't work. Avery wouldn't respond to desperate "I love you's" and wouldn't respond to pleas not to leave her alone because she couldn't do it without him. 

What she needed to do was explain without expecting his forgiveness, or his return into her arms. Sleeping with Jeff Fordham... It had been a way to punish herself, a way to punish Avery, and a way to push him out of her life, hurt him before he could hurt her. He had been so worried about Scarlett, so caught up in her breakdown, that Juliette had felt invisible. It had felt as if he had cheated on her; not in the literal, sexual, sense, but in an emotional way that hurt so much more than any sleeping around could have. She had felt as if she were the only one entitled to his care, to his love, and she had retaliated by hurting him back.

Juliette sighed and picked up the phone. They needed to talk.

 

_29 April 2015_

Juliette closed her eyes in bliss, cradling her new-born daughter, revelling in the feel of the little baby in her arms. The girl had been born early, but full-grown, and Juliette had never felt such love in her life. She had been so scared that she'd be unable to, so scared that Avery's words had been right and she didn't know what love was, but all those worries had faded the moment she had laid eyes on Hope. When she heard the door, she opened her eyes and smiled. 

It would be Avery, who had been there for her every step of the way. Who had been there for her when she was in pain, and had helped her with birthing exercises, and had held her hand when she was in labour. He had taken away her fears about ending up like her mother, and she had soothed his that he would never be good enough for this tiny creature. 

Avery came in the room, still not quite believing that this little girl was the miracle they had made together. He sat down next to Juliette, his hands on her hands, unable to not touch her. They had gotten closer over the months, rekindling their friendship for their daughter. They had talked, a lot, rebuilding the trust between them that they had lost, or that had maybe never existed in the first place. 

During those last months they had gone to friendship therapy - they had both refused to call it couples' therapy, no need to create any expectations. He had never expected Juliette to go for it when he had suggested it, but she had immediately been on board, and had been active during therapy as well. It hadn't been easy, for either of them. A lot of sessions had ended in tears or in anger, both of them lashing out in jealousy, and hurt, and fear. 

When Juliette had explained, three months in, why she had slept with Jeff, the pain in her voice had broken Avery's heart. It hadn't been like her tearful confession last time, bordering on manipulation and laced with desperation. This time it had been well thought out, sincere and genuine. Her confession that she had pushed him away, had hurt him before he could hurt her, because she wouldn't - couldn't - let another guy shatter her, had finally enabled him to understand and forgive. 

When he looked at her now, holding their little girl with a smile on her face that he had so seldom seen, he realized that he wasn't going anywhere. He had never stopped loving her, and now they had finally started being honest with each other, he wanted to keep her in his life. 

His daughter opened his eyes and Avery leaned closer to whisper: "I love you, my little darling." He looked up from the girl, into the eyes of her mother, and kissed her forehead.

"You as well," he said, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

 

_29 November 2015_

Avery opened the front door and crept towards the studio, making sure his footsteps were soft and his breathing light so he wouldn't wake his girls. When their daughter had been born, he had started sleeping over at Juliette's to help her out, until finally they had decided that living together would be a more logical option than him keeping his apartment. Now Hope had finally started sleeping through the night, and Juliette needed to catch up on all the sleep she had missed out on. He had never needed much sleep himself, and on the way home from his gig inspiration had hit and he wanted to work for a while. 

When he opened the door, however, Juliette sat in his chair, not even singing, just looking around. When he got closer, he realized she was crying, silent tears running down her face. 

"Juliette?" 

He kept his voice low, not wanting to startle her. She didn't appear to hear him and he moved closer, repeating her name. She looked at him, her eyes filled with an emotion that he couldn't quite name. 

"You are so much," she whispered. She gestured around her. "You are music, and love, and... and compassion."

"I found your songs," she admitted. Reflexively Avery tensed, then immediately relaxed again. His songs didn't describe anything she was not allowed to see, only gave voice to emotions she ought to already know he had. 

"They're so... pure."

She fell silent, and Avery was utterly confused. He moved a little closer, crouched so he was more or less level with her, and took one of her hands in his own. 

"What's wrong, Juliette?" he asked. She refused to look at him, instead looking around him, searching for clues to what to say in the walls of his studio. When she finally spoke, her voice was so low that he had to strain to hear her.

"How can I ever be enough?" 

The question hung in the air for a while, allowing Avery to collect his thoughts and look for the right words. 

"Do you love me?" he asked, and this question, as well, fell upon silence. Refusing to show his own uncertainty at her inability to give a direct answer, he didn't fret or get up, but stayed steady. He could see her mind working, could see her weighing her words as therapy had taught her instead of blurting out everything she thought. So he waited, his heart pounding.

"I do," she replied at long last, and Avery waivered a bit with the relief at her answer. "But that wasn't enough before. Why would it be now?"

She finally looked him in the eye as she continued. "I'm going to mess up again, Avery. I know it. This wonderful life, with the loving partner and the lovely baby, it's not meant for me. I feel like I'm borrowing something that could be taken away from me at any moment, like I stole something that I have no right to at all. This love you're showing, in your words, your actions, even your songs, it's too much for me. I don't deserve this, any of this, and one day you're going to wake up and realize that too."

"Love isn't enough," he agreed. "But what we have built in this past year, that's more than love. You have given me more than just your love; you have given me your soul, and your trust, and we have both put everything we had in this relationship. Love was not enough because we didn't know each other fully; love will be enough now because I have shown you all of me and you have shown me all of you. We can deal with mistakes, we can deal with messes, no matter how huge or life-changing, because we have learned to trust, and talk, and to love freely and completely."

Avery got up and walked to his desk, hesitantly getting out a small jewellery box. He got on his knees before her, and took her hand back in his. 

"I think you know what's in here," he began, and Juliette nodded, even more tears finding their way over her cheeks. "I bought it six months ago; the day after Hope was born. I'm not proposing to you now. We still have a long way to go, and we need to trust that the other won't walk way, trust that we can love and be loved in return, before we can commit to such a step. But I want you to know that I have it."

He gave Juliette the box, who held it gingerly in her hand, looking at it as if it might explode at any moment.

"Don't open it yet," he hurriedly added. "I want the ring itself to be a surprise when I do get down on one knee to ask you to share the rest of your life with me. But know that this is the future. One day you are going to wake up, and you will be my wife."

"This is the future," a stunned Juliette replied, and Avery got up and kissed her. 

"This is the future," he repeated.


End file.
